Anyu had another suitor after Imre bacsi left, also an old friend to Anyu and Apu. He was Sebestyen Tibor, and he was very loyal for more than a year, but I guess, Anyu knew how we felt and did not want to upset us again, so she let him go.

Meanwhile the 1945-46 school year finished, I graduated from grade eight, in our system grade four polgari. I could change to gymnasium, which was the liberal art high school, and I needed to pass an exam to go there. I chose high school of commerce instead, and I was never sorry for my choice. One third of my former classmates came to this school and I was interested in business because of my background and also Anyu had become a business lady now.

Every year the closest Sunday to June l7. became our remembrance day in Fehervar. We had a ceremony in the cemetery around the memorial hall, which was erected in l946. Every year, except l946. Keller Rozsi neni and some Jewish Community leaders in Budapest organized a train trip to go to Auschwitz. There were many people from other cities too, but our former chief cantor, cantor Klein was the only person home from the former Fehervar's Community Officials (he moved to Budapest as soon as he arrived) and he was one of the organizers. Our train arrived at Auschwitz on June l7th on the early morning, exactly the same time as the original train had arrived. Anyu and I were one of the passengers on that "second" train. The rails were still in place at that time. We left the train, and followed the route to the second crematorium (all the crematoria were in ruins) which was the one all of our loved ones were taken. There were tick dust of human remains all over. We all filled a bag and took it home and buried it in our cemetery in an existing family member's grave, in our case half to Pollak Nagymama's grave, half Gams Nagypapa's grave. Over the crematoria's ruins, we had a memorial grave side burial. Cantor Klein was singing, more precisely crying in a ceremony I will never forget as long as I live. Klein lost his wife and four of his children plus brothers, parents other family members. Of course he was not the only one, everyone of us who was there on that day, June l7, l944, lost everybody who was most important to them.

The political situation after the war was absurd. The Russian army occupied Hungary, but during 1945 and 1946 the democratic parties were the rulers. There was a Communist party, but it was one of many, and they never got enough votes to count. Hungarians were always resourceful people, and tried to rebuild the country from the ashes. We had one of the worst inflations any country ever had during these years, but during the summer of l946 the government cancelled the pengo (money used before the war) and we got the forint, which at the time was good money. Stores opened, houses were renovated or rebuilt, life started to normalize. Many fascists left the country when the Germans were pushed back to Germany, but some came back, and some never left. There were lawsuits against these criminals, and naturally many of these lawsuits were started because what happened to the Jews. Part of the population was sorry about what happened, but some did not make a secret of their opinion; too many Jews came back! I had a classmate, whose father was a csendor (gendarme commandant) and a cruel one in a city nearby. The wife and daughter moved to Fehervar, because of the hatred in their city and tried to save the daughter from the shame. She was a lovely girl and extremely smart, the best student in the class. We were l5 years old. There was Erzsike many of the classmates felt sorry for, and there was I, some felt sorry for the things that happened to me. The same things happened in Edit's class.

Both Edit and I were always different, never one in the crowd. The Socialist Party was very strong and many Jew became party members. Some were Communist Party members, because they thought the party will punish most of the fascist who hurt them or their family. Edit and her mother shared an apartment with the Morvais. Bela Morvai was a gymnasium (high school) teacher in Fehervar. Nobody knew he was originally Jewish, he came to live there when he married and got a teaching position in the city. His wife was Christian and so were the children, Guszti and Bela. The time the Germans picked up Edit's father, they picked up Mr. Morvai too. The two mothers who were left behind with the children, became good friends. They moved together into an apartment to share household expenses.

During 1945 Gitta neni (Mrs. Morvai) got a job in the Social Democrat Party as a secretary, and also found a job for Edit's mother. The Party had a youth organization, Bela and Guszti (Bela was the same age as I and Guszti the same as Edit) became members and they asked us to go and see what a good time they had there. Once we did go, and it was the first place we did not feel "different" so we became members. We had literature nights, political discussions, ping-pong tournaments, we gave theatrical performances etc. There were some Jewish members a little older than Edit and me, among them Gams Gyuri and friends.

Around l945-46 there were many court cases against Hungarian fascists (we called them "nyilas"). There were cases in Budapest and all over the country.

My life as a teenager became almost normal. Anyu's store was doing all right, I enjoyed school, had some school friends there, and best friend Edit. After doing my homework, practised the piano, I saw Edit daily, either I started to walk toward the Zichy park where her apartment was located or she started to walk toward our house. Most of the time we met halfway. We did most of our socializing at the party's youth club. Of course there were boys there and some noticed us and we noticed them. I was in grade two high school (grade l0 here) when one of the boys, named Laci and I became a pair. His father was working for the railroad, he was a labourer. Laci was a year older than me, but because his birthday was in the fall, he was in the same grade as I was. He went to the technical high school, was very smart, an artist with his hands and dreamed of becoming an aeroplane pilot. He was very interested in aviation and spent all his free time and all the hard-earned money (after school part time work) to learn to fly a glider plane. We met mostly on weekends, except when I had geography drawing homework. I was never any good at drawing, hated to do it, and as I said, Laci was an artist, so he did the drawing part of my geography homework.

By that time Jancsi was in junior high and his school was across the street from mine. One grade above him was Laci's brother. When I wanted to be in touch with him (his school was far away) I gave a letter to Jancsi to give it to the brother. (How much easier this is today, when everybody has a telephone, but I don't think telephone is as romantic!)

During the second year of high school our schools started to have head boy or girl system in the classroom and for the school. Because I was the "socialist" and the Jew of the class, I became the first class-president. Later during the school voting, I was the first head girl. In our school half of the building belonged to the girls and half to the boys. We had the same teachers who came to our classrooms, we shared chemistry and physics lab - of course not at the same time. The boys had their own head boy. The student government system was very new in Hungary and I think it came more from Russia than from the West. The teachers did not know how to handle it, but wanted to do it "properly". I was very honoured and surprised, when they invited me to the teachers lounge when they discussed our end of January report card from all subjects. First they only invited me, and after my suggestion, they invited every class president, because I did not know every student in the school, and the presidents knew their classmates the best. I don't know how long this procedure lasted, it did until I graduated. I let them know my disapproval about certain marks and my classmates were satisfied about my work. I also had no problem with the teachers.

There was another fantastic bit of news in my life about that time. Our report-cards had to have marks from religion. Fehervar had about almost 100 Jew and we had a young rabbi from Budapest Komlos Otto. I had to have religious studies for my report card. One day he told me, that he was looking for a cantor. Next time I met him, there was a girl, my age in the room. The rabbi introduced her as Fried Jutka, the new cantor's daughter. She was from a small city not far from Szeged, and the train to Auschwitz was accidentally sent to Austria. She was in the same camp as Gara Vera. The families stayed together, and survived. Jutka and I clicked from the moment we met. We became inseparable and soon Edit became the third musketeer. Jutka went to teachers college. She had two brothers in Israel, and was planing to join them in the near future. Her parents were very religious, her mother wore a wig. They were very happy to find a friend for Jutka and so was Anyu.

Edit graduated from gymnasium during June l948. We had a nice summer. The three of us spent time on our "strand" (public swimming pool) or took the train to the Balaton. In September Edit started university in Szeged, it was far away, so we just corresponded and met during school holidays. Jutka and I became even closer friends, spent all our free time together. Jutka did not belonged to the Youth organization, Edit was away, the ties with the Morvais were never close, so I stopped to go there. Laci was still in the picture, but Jutka was more important.

The political situation changed during l948. The Communist party became stronger, the Russians pushed the Communist takeover more and more. In my third year of high school of commerce we had to fill out a form about our fathers to determine if we are proletariat or bourgeois. We were so naive, I remember going home from school and asking Anyu what should I put down. In my eyes, Apu was a tailor, so I was a proletar I could also see, that it was a better answer. It was also the first time in our school to have political science as a subject. The question had to be handed over to that teacher. He looked at my paper, and asked me to change the answer; I was not a proletarian, I was a capitalist.

We had a General Election, and all the other party leaders either disappeared or joined the Communists. That was the election when the Communist Party became the ruler. From then on they started their systematic oppression. They started the "war against the religious leaders" Cardinal Mindszenty (who was the Cardinal of Hungary) was their first target. He was put into prison and there was a court case against him. Hungary is a mostly Catholic country, the people adored Mindszenty. There were organized marches in front of Bishops Palaces, or great churches and everybody had to yell: "Mindszenty is the enemy!" Schoolchildren had to go to these parades during school hours, and the Student Governments were the main organizers. In our school; it had to be me. I had nothing against Mindszenty, my classmates were very unhappy to parade against him, but we had no choice.

The second targets were the kulaks, the "rich" farmers. Their land was taken away. They had no political rights, were forced to move from their houses and were forced to work and live in horrible surroundings. The government organized state farms, and the former kulak's former workers became the leaders of these Collective Farms. They had no training to be leaders and not much schooling. The city people, university students, high school students, and new Communist Party members (who were mostly from cities and had no idea about farming) were supposed to teach the new "agriculture proletariat" the modern way of farming! The way this was accomplished is so absurd, it is an example of why the system could not work. The above- mentioned groups were organized to go to the farms, mostly on Sundays and visit the new leaders in their houses and instruct them about the right way of farming. Next, the village people had to go to a meeting room and had to listen to political teachings. All these teachings were done to farmers, who were farmers many generation back!

Schoolchildren like me and my classmates had to TEACH these unfortunates, when we did not know anything about it, meanwhile the kulaks, who were The Experts; had to cleanup the manure after the animals. I, as a student leader was one who had to organize these trips, and I hated to do so. First because I could not see any reason for it, second, because it was done on the only day of the week when there was no school and I and all the other kids could have some fun. We had to meet in the school, a truck came to pick us up, we had to sing party line marches and Russian songs and were brought back after a tiring day during the evening.

Gyuri was still a member of the Youth organization. He and his Mother opened the Gams clothing store (sold only ready-made merchandise) and the business was doing all right. I remember Gyuri coming home from one of these outings telling us, that he had to go to a villager's house to "teach" and they recognized him. Mr. Gams, what on earth are you doing here?!

During l946-47 and the beginning of 1948 the Pollak Shoe store was a busy place again. We needed more and more merchandise, and Anyu started to sell our properties to raise money. The first house was the Szolohegy house, Ili neni's. Anyu did not know and had no time to organize the care of the orchard. Somebody rented the place and later wanted to buy it so we sold it. When we still needed more money, she sold the Pollak house floor by floor. Latics bought half of the top floor where Nagypapa's apartment was, somebody got the other half. After that, the first floor was also sold and a small part of the street floor where the business was: became a grocery. The largest part of the street floor we kept for ourselves.

After the kulaks were moved from their farms, the city capitalist were the next target. We had a three room apartment, and Anyu was entitled to have one room, Jancsi and I the second, but the third one was a "luxury" so it was taken away. There was one tile stove to warm Anyu's room and the third room, and around the stove was a 30cm open gap. There was no privacy between those two rooms. It did not bother the officials. Also it did not matter that the bathroom opened from Jancsi's and my room, so the third room's occupants had to go through our room to go to the bathroom. I was l7 years old, when one day, two good-looking officers about 20-22 years old came to our apartment, showing papers, that from now on they will live here. We were extremely lucky, that we got two lovely guys who could see how unwanted they were, and did everything possible not to inconvenience us, and we became good friends. They always went home for the weekends, so on those days our apartment was ours. After staying with us for about a year, they were transferred to another city and advised us, we should rent that room to somebody before the authorities rent it again.

Former factory owners, large business and real-estate holders were also declared class enemies. In Budapest, and other cities, these unfortunate people had to leave Budapest on a few days notice. I don't remember who introduced Anyu to an old Jewish couple who owned a jewellery factory in Budapest. They were in their 80s and very fragile, completely lost in this newest tragedy, after surviving the fascisms. They moved into our third room.

During the summer before I started my last year of high school (l949) we still had the store. I was working there one day, when Laci came to say goodbye. He would not graduate from his high school, instead was accepted in the Military Academy for Flyers. He was so happy, his dream will come true! He will go to the Kossuth Military Academy of Szolnok, will finish his studies there and will be an officer. We were sorry to part, but he will write often and I promised to reply.

School started in September, I was busy with my studies also as a class president I had to organize the class-picture (we called tablo). Around spring time every graduating class in Fehervar had their "tablo" picture in a store window on Main Street. Because of the location of our shoe store, we always had one or two of these in our windows. This year it will be mine! Also we had a custom, by December every student in every graduating class in the city was proudly wearing a little green ribbon on our coats or later on our dresses. These ribbons were given by the girl-or boyfriend, and it was very shameful if somebody did not have one. Naturally I got one from Laci, who came home regularly every second month, and spent as much time in our apartment with me as he could.

Well instead of a beautiful school year, the second tragedy hit us in five years. Just, when our life started to normalize, we were deep in trouble again. Anyu went to work on that fall one morning and came back l0 minutes later crying. There were two men at the door, asked Anyu to hand over the store key and told her to go home, the store does not belong to her anymore it belongs to the (Working Class). She was not allowed to go in, take her personal belongings, (coat, shoes, work uniform etc). Also the money from the cash register was confiscated and so was our bank account. She had no idea how will she be able to raise two children without any income? The only money we had was in her purse and it was very little, enough for one day.

The old couple who lived in our third room insisted to pay some rent. Anyu did not want to take it, or saved it for something special. Now it became our only source of income. They had children in the States who sent them money monthly. Also they hid some of their jewellery and sold it piece by piece if it was necessary. They helped us when we had no other income. Anyu tried to find some work, but for months without any success. Around the winter of 1950, she found a clerical job in an insurance company’s office. Her monthly salary was 400.- forint. (When I started my first job during that summer, my starting salary without any experience was 700.- forint!) She was supposed to raise, feed and clothes three persons with that money, and in Hungary at the time school was not free, plus we had to buy all our books and school supplies. We lived on bread, potatoes and beans.

About March l950, I received a letter from Laci. It was the shortest I ever got from him and it said: "I was transferred from the Kossuth Academy to the Petofi Academy in Budapest. After giving serious consideration to our relationship, I decided I could not correspond with a girl who is from the capitalist class, so this is my last letter." I could see, that the letter was dictated by somebody, and also knew, the Petofi Academy was for the political officers and not for the flyers. It was not difficult to figure out, that because he was the son of a rail yard worker, was very smart, he was the ideal candidate to be a political officer. I also knew, that from childhood he did not want to be anything else but a flyer, so the transfer was against his wishes. I knew all that, but it hurt me very much to read that letter. Life was gloomy enough at home, I looked forward to see his letters. To end our friendship this way, was devastating!

The graduating school year ended in April, May was the month for our written matura exam and during June we had the oral ones. We had to study very hard to get a good mark for our matura. At the beginning of our school year I applied to the University of Economy in Budapest, and I got a reply in March, that I was accepted if my marks on the matura exams will be high enough. I was also accepted to live in the student residence. When I showed Anyu my letter, I don't know which one of us was more devastated, because there was no way she could pay my tuition and residence fees, plus we needed the money I would make after graduation. So that was the end of my university dreams.

During the first week of May in every high school in Hungary we had convocation ceremonies. We called "ballagas". The school was decorated with flowers (done by the grade 3 students), they also lined up on the corridors beside the walls. The graduating class slowly walked from class to class, (the students from grade 1 and two stood beside their desks.) We were singing a century old song: Ballag mar a vendiak, tovabb...(The old students are walking slowly further and further away from our beloved school). Each graduating student carried a large bouquet of flowers, either from boy or girlfriends, or from parents. The day before our ceremony, I received a "mysterious letter", no sender on the envelope, inside a pressed flower, and words: please carry this with your flowers- no signature, but I recognized the writing!

As class-president, I lead the class on our walk, and in the auditorium, I was the valedictorian. Anyu cried through the whole ceremony. Edit and Mariska neni were there so was Jutka, but the ones, so important to me on that special day, were missing, Apu, Klari, and the rest of the family. The only family members listening to me, were Anyu and Jancsi.

A week after the ceremony, I got a very short letter from Laci, it said: I could not live without you! Please answer me to that address in Budapest. I was foolish enough to answer. Next came a letter, lets meet in Budapest, because he could not come home. One of my classmates was almost engaged to one of the young officers, Pista, who lived in our apartment. He was working in Budapest and invited Evi to come and see him during our study week between our written and oral exams. We studied together with Evi and she kept asking me to go to Pest for a day as an outing. After I got Laci's letter, I agreed. Evi had an aunt living in Pest, and I visited Olga neni, one of Margit Nagymama's sister. Laci came to visit me there on the afternoon. In the evening we saw a movie and at the end of the movie we walked and talked for an hour in a park on Margit Island. He told me, he had to go to Petofi Academy against his wishes and was told to write me "The letter". He was so upset after writing the letter, his marks were way down, so his teachers let him write to me again. So the friendship was on again, at least for a little while.

Weisz Imre left for the USA before the political situation worsened and there was no problem leaving the country. Sebestyen Tibor was courting Anyu, but she did not want to marry, because we were so much against it. Anyu was still young and very good looking, in her middle 30s. Her life was busy with the store and taking care of us. She had many friends, Inci neni, the Neubarts, Gathys, among them. They played cards during the weekends. Her social life was far from the former one, but life in general was very different. When the store was taken over by the State, the friends also had problems. The Gathy and Szoke families (Laci and Marika) were both rich landowners. All of their families died in Auschwitz, but this was not important to the Communist Party. Marika found furniture, jewellery from their former home, when she arrived back from Auschwitz. I did not know them before the war, but when Marika came to Fehervar to marry Laci, she was not poor. Laci's parents were real estate holders around the city plus they had lots of land. In one of the most prestigious location in Fehervar, they build a whole city block of new apartment buildings during l930. Laci finished University of Fine Arts, he wanted to be a sculptor. After the war, he did some art pieces, but he also had some kind of business. They lived in a beautiful apartment in their apartment block. They had a little girl, Lilike, about three years old in l949. When our store was taken over by the state, they also got a notice, they have to vacate their apartment in a couple of days, and have to move to a kulak farmer's house in the farming area of the City. Marika had a job with the company which sold coal and wood for heating. She worked in an office. Laci got a job at the city slaughterhouse, which was not exactly his kind of work. The Neubarts had a watch repair shop and jewellery store. They had to move from their original business on Main Street and move to a much smaller premise, but they could stay in their apartment. They constantly worried when will the State move them out from the apartment and the small store. So life was very scary and uncertain again.

This was the time, when one day, we had a visitor. A man, his name was Salzer Gabor, who heard Anyu's name mentioned by somebody in Budapest, who thought she could use a friend who can "help" her. (I wish he would have missed us, and never came!) He was the same age as Anyu. Very well dressed, very intelligent, had a way of speaking, people automatically listened. He said, he was born in Czechoslovakia, and was not deported from there, because he was with the American army. He was an intelligence officer in that army, and helped people from the camps any way he could after liberation. He is also a Zionist, and would like to live in Israel. Because of his contact with the American army, he is in Hungary now, because he wants to help Jewish people to get out of the Communist regime. He heard, that we were rich before the war, we have money in Switzerland and other places, he heard that we have no future here, so don't we want to leave Hungary? His words were like honey for Anyu, she believed him. Of course she wants to go, anywhere in the world, away from here. According to Gabi he knew we have no money to give him, so he would take us without paying. Do we have any friends who would also like to come? Somebody had to live in that situation, a few years after the Holocaust to understand, many smart people believed him. The Neubarts, the Gathys, gave him money ( the Gathys did not have much to give) and all of us were planing to go as soon as possible. Gabi was a very frequent visitor in our house, and Anyu fell in love with him and sincerely believed him, otherwise she would not have introduced him to her friends.

Around this time, we heard people disappeared, taken away by the secret police (we called AVO). There were fabricated trials for former good Communists, people who lived in the Soviet Union during the war years and were trained to be the future leaders when the Russians occupy their land. Rajk Laszlo was the most famous of all. His guilt was, that he was a friend of Tito. Tito had enough of the Stalinist regime, and tried a different kind of Communism in Jugoslavia. Lots of people were put in jail for all kind of imagined guilts. That was the time, when the famous Recsk Camp was started (where Gabori Gyuri and Faludy Gyorgy were prisoners). It was the worst Stalinist purge in Hungary.

During these scary days we were planning to escape. I just graduated, got a job in the military airport as a bookkeeper. Jancsi was l3 years old, still in junior high. Laci came back into my life and was very interested in Gabi. Who is he? I was too naive to think, that perhaps the Academy let him continue our friendship because he would watch us. I am still not certain that this was the case, but it is very possible. I don't think he willingly spied on me, but unwillingly, maybe.

We had the date set for our escape, us first and than Gabi would come back for the Gathys and the Neubarts, we would cross the border to Austria. This was about September l950. We were waiting for him, but he did not come, did not write. Why? For a few weeks we did not hear from him, and then came words from mutual friends, that he was arrested. He had our birth certificates with him, letters from Anyu, probably plans and dates of our escape. Without any question, we will be arrested any day now. Those were horrible nightmarish days. We could not sleep, we packed a suitcase, and waited. I never forget, Jancsi was playing the tympani at the city orchestra, and they were rehearsing for a performance. The rehearsal hall was half a block away from our house, and was a one minute walk. We knew what time he should be home, around 9PM. He was not home by eleven. Anyu and I sat beside the table crying, what could we do if they arrested Jancsi? He is only a young boy! He came home around ll.30PM because the rehearsal was long, but Anyu and I went through hell in those hours.

After I graduated from high school, Anyu got a new job, a little better paid than the insurance company. She was a cashier in the state owned stationery store. She was very good in mathematics. At the time there were no adding machines or cash-registers in every store, she had to write on a sheet of paper every sale and had to add up at closing time and balance the cash. She was so good at it, even won some prices. Slowly we dared to hope, that we won't be arrested, but we could not be certain. The years until l953, (when Stalin died) were difficult ones. At least with my job and Anyu's we were not hungry anymore, we could buy the basics.

My relationship with Laci ended during the winter of l95l. Before, he visited me every time he came home to Fehervar and I visited him in Pest a few times, staying either with Olga neni or with Inci neni. Inci neni moved back to Pest with Dezso bacsi and Peter. All of a sudden, maybe l0 days after my last visit to see him in Pest, I got a letter from him, stating, that he can not keep up our friendship, he will graduate as a political officer, and I am a capitalist's daughter. He is sorry, but he just got married to a girl who works at the Academy. I never heard of that girl before, there was no mention of her when we saw each other last time. I knew, that his school made sure nothing serious should happen between us, but to go that far to the extreme, I could not believe. He came home a week later, came to see me. When I opened the door, he stood there crying, saying, that he will only love me until he dies, but he had to marry Erzsike. He came in, brought back all my letters and wanted to get all of his in return. I told him, I won't give him any letters, but he is welcome to come up to the apartment (we were talking at the downstairs entrance way) and burn both his and my letters in our stove, together. That’s what we did, then he turned around and left without saying anything. During the fall of l954, when I already meet Daddy (Joska), one of my jobs in the office was to enter the name of the new employees for the payroll. One day Laci came as a new employee. I had to write down his marital status. He looked me and said: divorced. Married for four months, had one child, a girl and he supported her. I entered the information and did not say a word. After I married Daddy, I met him when I walked from one building to an other, in the company we both worked. He came beside me, and said, he just had to tell me, that he could not stay married to Erzsike, because of me. He is really and truly sorry the way he behaved, but it was not his choice. I told him, I am married now to somebody who could not be mentioned in the same breath with him. I never want to see him or talk to him again.

During l949 and the beginning of l950, Jutka Fried and her parents could hardly wait to go to Israel. There was an underground network helping people to fulfill this dream. Jutka left with a group in l949, but the border guard caught them and Jutka was in jail for a couple of months. Her parents and I were so worried, but could not help her. She came back, but never said much about the experience. A few month later, the family received official exit visas and went to Israel legally. They spent a few days in Budapest before the departure, and the night before their departure, Jutka bought 2 tickets to the Opera to see Boris Goudonov. Every time I hear music from that opera, I remember our goodbye at the end of the performance. We did not dare to hope to see each other ever again.

l95l-52 where hard Stalinist years. People around us frequently disappeared.

I liked my work at the military airport very much. I had one of my best friends from high school Herczog Evi working in the same office. Our company was repairing military aircraft of old models. Everything was so secret, but any of those planes were no threat to the "American Capitalists". There were a few regular army units in the barracks, boys about our ages. The commandant had a daughter of the same age as I, she also worked in our office, and we became friends. Her name was Toth Margit. We had a group of soldiers with whom we spent time together, specially weekends. There was one boy who later became a professional musician, he had a Hawaiian guitar also played the piano, our group had many hours of good times together. We also had an excellent soccer team and I became a regular fan. Our group visited every game our boys played and there were endless discussions what went right and what went wrong during the games. Around the second part of l95l the military left the management of the Aeroplane Repairs Co. to civilians. From our group, only the soccer players stayed, they were discharged from the military, and were very happy to do it. We had the three best soccer players in our office, and they became the bookkeeping department’s head, the before cost calculation department’s head and the after cost calculation department’s head. Neither knew very much about the work, but they were not needed to do bookkeeping, but to play soccer! Herczog Evi got married and left the office, but new girls came, and we girls worked very hard to keep the office going. Eventually the boys learned a little of the work, and were "great help" to us. They were a good bunch of people and we stayed friends. Later I became an "unofficial" department head. There were about 2000 people working for the company, and I had to provide the payroll twice a month. At the time there were no cheques, we paid cash. Often there was not enough cash in the bank in Fehervar and I had to go to Budapest to get it. I was provided with an official car and security guard to go to Budapest for the money.

The only cloud in the sky were the constant political meetings. Our office hours were from 7AM till 3PM. We had a company bus, it picked us up from the city in the morning and brought us home in the afternoon. Very often, just before it was closing time came the loudspeaker announcement: Today we will have a meeting to praise our best workers who did their work, building socialism and surpassed their five years plan by l50%! Please, come to the meeting room before you take the bus. There were many housewives, who wanted to go home, had to pick up children from day care, or had other important previous engagements, but had to disregard it and came to the most boring meetings. None of the speeches made sense and in every five minutes we had to stand up and yell, clapping our hands in rhythm: Long live Stalin, Rakosi and the poor individual worker who was supposed to do his work "l50%" He hated the whole thing the most. I was good in shorthand, we learned it in high school of commerce, and was asked very often to write the minutes and next day I had to transfer it to the typewriter. Of course that took time, and nobody did my real work while I had to play the silly game.

During these years, meat was not easy to obtain and very expensive. We got nice meat at reasonable cost in the factory. If you did not go to the union meetings, you got the uneatable part of the available meat. Your job advancement depended on your meetings attendance.

The party gave the order from Budapest, that we have to improve the production in the factories in the next five years by l00%. Every factory had to have their own 5 years plan. The officials (simple uneducated workers, who were the party favourites) came to every department and "discussed" how could we "improve". The factory could only repair X number of planes needed to repair. Our office could only do the books on the number of planes the workshop provided. The whole thing was so ridiculous, there were no words for it, but everybody pretended and gave idiotic percentages! These originally idiotic plans were (surpassed" by l50%! (Nothing times 150% is still nothing!!)

I also remember the Rosenberg trial in the United States. They were the people who sold the atomic bomb to the Russians. We had to write letters to the States, telling them our opinion! Of course our letters were read by the party officials, and certainly nobody in the States. We also had big rallies, we had to march on the street (of course on Sunday which was our day off) behind our company flag and yell how angry we are at the American judges, who were trying these innocent people.

l953 was the year of change. Finally the tyrant Stalin died. There were people who cried when they heard the news, but they were very rare. We had to be very sad officially, but among ourselves, we could not stop laughing and hoping, that life will change for the better. Life did change. The union meetings were once in the month. Writers came up with books, unimaginable a few months before. Newspapers had articles, actually criticizing the political system, of course not yet too strongly. All of a sudden political prisoners started to come home. That was the first time we heard about Recsk. One day, out of the blue sky came Gabi. He was just released from the prison, and came to see us, he had no other place to go. Anyu was so happy to see him, in about a month time they were married.

The best news during l951 and l952 were Andris' and Judit's birth. I liked Gams Evi (Gyuri’s wife) and Gyuri very much, we were good friends not only cousins. Evi had a difficult pregnancy and giving birth to Andris took four days. On the fourth day, the ambulance took her to Budapest to a special clinic, and she gave birth there. The doctors warned her not to have an other baby in the near future, but Judit came after Andris was 13 month old. Gyuri was studying to be an engineer at the time. They lived with Evi's parents in Gyumolcs Street. Originally it was a nice large apartment, but half of it was taken away. Gyuri, Evi and the children had one room, Evi's parents had the other. They had their own bathroom, but the kitchen was shared with other tenants. Their lives waerevery difficult and I tried to help them as much as it was possible. Evi did not have enough milk for Judit, and she needed mother's milk. There was a lady in our office who had too much milk for her daughter, so she took some from her breast, and after work I took it to Evi. I also took the children for walks, so Evi could rest and Gyuri could study. I loved the children very much, they were my first set of kids.

The old couple (from Budapest) Matyi bacsi and his wife were still staying in our apartment. A few month later, Matyi bacsi did not wake up in the morning, he died in his sleep. He was buried from our home. The wife who was about 85 years old, got a visa to stay with her son in South America. After she left, we rented the room again, we needed the income. Gabi had a hard time to get a job, and when he got one, could not keep it, because the people he worked with realized, he was a liar. Today, we know, he was mentally sick.

Gabi became obsessed about me, I am an "old maid" of 21 and don't have any prospect of marrying somebody in the near future. I had a good life in the office, I had friends and Edit, my life was all right, I was not looking for a husband. After Laci, I was very cautious not to get involved with a Christian boy. I did not need a repeat performance. From the workplace I got nice vacations every year, two weeks. I had a nice time in Pecs up in the Mecsek Mountain, and also in the Balaton. All I wanted from Gabi, to leave me alone. He had other plans, wanted me to meet people from Pest. I was not interested with anybody he called friend. One day he came home with a man, called Vadas Erno. He came home from munkaszolgalat, lived in a small village near Fehervar, and moved to the city, worked in a grocery store. Gabi probably met him in the prayer house. The poor guy was very homely looking and did not interest me at all.

I had a very nice vacation in the Balaton during July l954. I met lovely people there, we were a group of 6, we swam together, had ice-cream in the ice-cream parlour. We kept the friendship after we got home. I was in Budapest twice in a month for the company's wages, our group met these times and we had fun. (All the people in that group were from Budapest).

There were two apartments in our building in Fehervar. We had one and Gyuri lived with her mother in the other one. Gyuri married in l950 and moved away, his mother also married at the time to a man, called Falus Pista. They also had a three room apartment, and two people were not allowed to have such luxury, so they rented their third room before the city would put somebody there. Their tenant was a man, called Weisz Erno and he was a salesman in the state owned fabric store. Before he was transferred to Fehervar, he had the same position in Varpalota. Of course he had close contact with the Kohn tailor-shop, because it was difficult to find nice wool material for suits and he was able to get it for them. At the time you needed a good contact to get anything from the state owned shops, because there were great shortages of every imaginable merchandise, starting from food to clothing. Kohn Imre and his son Joska came to see Weisz Erno in Szekesfehervar regularly, because they needed materials and tailor supplies and there was a much better selection in the bigger city. Also employees were not permitted in any private enterprise, and there were a few tailors in Fehervar, who moonlighted at home to supplement their salaries, and the Kohns brought them work regularly. Weisz Erno wanted me to meet Joska, because he was the only Jewish man in the area, and I was the only girl. I kept telling him, I don't need any man to be introduced for marrying purpose, I will be able to find one on my own.

I had all the papers in my possession for the l954 Sept.1. payroll. I was going to take the morning train to Budapest, go to the Bank, meet the company car after I had the money, and come home to do the enveloping for the wages. I had some small work to do in the evening of August 31 on these papers, when the entry bell rang. We had to go down a flight of stairs to open the gate. I did not expect anybody, probably one of Jancsi's friend came, so I stayed with my work. Let somebody else go down. All of a sudden, somebody knocked on my door. (Nobody in my family would do that!) I said come in, and a good looking young man, very nicely dressed, walked into the room. He introduced himself, he is Kohn Jozsef, and his friend Erno talked to me already about him. Well, he was in the room, I couldn't send him away, so told him to sit down. There was a book on the table, he picked it up, asked if I was reading it, because he just finished to reading the same book and it was very interesting. He behaved, like we knew each other for a long time, and was completely at ease. I told him, I had to get these papers ready for tomorrow, so I can't spend much time with him now. He said it is all right, but he would like to visit me on Sunday. I agreed.

Our apartment had three rooms in an L shape. From the stairway you could enter the dining-room, which was rented, or our room (Jancsi's and mine). The bathroom door opened from our room, so I was used to have strangers going to the bathroom through our room (the people who occupied our third room). In Hungary the work week was six days, and I had to be at the bus-stop by 6AM every day, so the only day to sleep in was Sunday, and I never liked to get up early in the morning, and loved every minute of Sunday morning. About 9AM Sunday, I was happily dozing under my blanket, when Jancsi woke me up, I have a visitor, On top of that, the visitor was in my room! The train from Varpalota came very early, there are only two trains on Sunday, one in the morning and one in the night, so he had no choice. Well, I sent him outside, got ready, and my beautiful morning was ruined. At that time, Anyu, Gabi, everybody was up, greeted Joska, invited him to stay, and when he said he liked to play rummy, sat him down to play. From than on, every Sunday morning we had our visitor, and we played cards, Anyu, Gabi, Joska and I. If I remember well, once I introduced him to Edit, and twice he took me out for lunch, but other than these occasions, we were never out of Anyu's and Gabi's sight. The two of us never had a chance to talk together. In Hungarian there are two kinds of "you". One for close friends and family and one for strangers. Joska was the only boy-man around me to whom I used the stranger's "you". I liked him, he was pleasant to be with, but I was not in love with him, there was not a chance for that. I simply did not know him. He wrote two beautiful letters, his composition and spelling was excellent. He was a nice person to be with and a nice change on Sundays, even if I had to get up earlier. He usually left around 4PM, the train left early and first he had to pick up ready-made suits from the different tailors who worked for him and his father from Szekesfehervar. Most of the time, his father brought the work in during the week. After he was gone, I still had time to visit Edit.

One Thursday morning he phoned me in the office, told me, he will come to Fehervar in the afternoon, and can we meet at the bus-stop? It was November 11th, and it would have been the 10th time we met. I agreed. He was at the bus station, and wanted to take me to a bakery shop for some cake and coffee. We were happy to have a chat, just the two of us. We both agreed, we enjoyed each others company, but did not talk about any other personal subject. We were there for about half an hour, when all of a sudden, Gabi walked in. Came straight to our table and wanted to join us. Joska said politely, we wanted just the two of us alone and will see him later at home. He left, but did not go home, instead watched us from a distance. We did not know that, and a little later started to walk. When we reached Main Street, he was there again and wanted to walk with us. Joska pulled him into a nearby doorway, grabbed his collar (he was a small man) and told him in a very straightforward way: Don't you ever watch what Vera is doing, don't you ever again interfere between us, she will be my wife and she will be my responsibility from now on! Leave us alone!!!!

Well, I was very happy to have a chance to get away from Gabi! But this was not the way I ever imagined somebody would ask me to marry him (didn't even ask me!!) Well, he is a pleasant fellow, so why not!? We were both very angry, and we just happened to be in front of the jewellery store, so he grabbed my hand, and said: I buy the rings so Gabi will never bother you again. Still did not ask me if I wanted to marry him. As I said before, there were shortages in Hungary in anything you wanted to buy, one of my friend at work was engaged for two months and still could not buy the rings. In this shop, there was one 14 karat ring perfect for my finger, and a 10 carat for Joska. He paid cash, and I hardly believed my eyes, he had so much money in his pocket! He put the rings in his pocket, and we decided to have an engagement party another time. We got home, Gabi obviously arrived earlier and told the "good news" to Bozsi neni and Pista bacsi (Gyuri's mother) and to Anyu, who still worked in the stationery store. She knew Joska was in Fehervar, because when we started to walk in the afternoon, we visited her.( She obviously did not know or wanted to acknowledge Gabi' obsession with me.) Before Anyu came home from work, she always stopped in the nearby delicatessen to buy some bologna, or cheese and buns for supper. When Joska and I arrived home, stepped inside the building, Bozsi neni and Pista bacsi were at the top of the stairway waiting to hug us and congratulate us. Gabi was there too, and Anyu arrived with her supper parcels, very surprised to hear our news. We walked into our room and it made no sense to postpone the engagement with all the excitement, so Joska took the rings from his pocket and put mine on my finger and his on his finger. He also gave a kiss on my cheek, the first time he ever touched me! I guess Joska and I were more surprised than anybody else, we had no idea in the morning when we got up, that today we will be engaged! After our meagre supper (Jancsi came home by that time) we all went to a nearby coffeehouse to celebrate. Edit was in the same coffeehouse with her mother and some friends, and when I showed her my new ring, she hardly believed her eyes! It was very unexpected news in the office next morning, specially the girl was bewildered who was waiting for a ring for two months. When is the wedding? Not for a long time, we hardly knew each other!

Well, our or at least my plan was rapidly changing. Next week we had a truck stopped in front of our house. Joska came up on the stairs and wanted to find some space for his furniture. When his father heard, that he was engaged to me, and wanted to move to Fehervar, he threw him out! Joska mentioned, that his father was a gambler, a womanizer, and loved Joska on his own terms. His father was the head of the family, and everything had to be the way he wanted. One of the things that attracted me to Joska, that he was a tailor like Apuka, and his father's name was also Imre, like mine. I will have a father substitute to love, it will ease the pain of losing the one I loved and missed so much. I could not comprehend, that a Jewish father, whose family was killed in the Holocaust and had only one remaining son left, would throw his son out of his life, because he wanted to marry another Jewish girl. Regardless of my feelings, that was the case. With Joska moving to Fehervar, his father would loose his best worker and he was also convinced, that Joska had to provide not only for me, but my family too. He was not even willing to meet me to form an opinion. Joska had to choose between us right on that minute, so he found a mover, and moved his belongings to Fehervar. He could not stay with us, we had no room and he needed money to live, so he left his furniture with us, and went to Aba to Mariska and her husband, who also was a tailor. Mariska was his father's brother's daughter. He could stay with them for a short while and work for them. Because of these circumstances, we could not wait long for the wedding. We needed a month for our tenant to move out of our dining room, and rabbi Farkas said, we have to put a sign in the synagogue for three Saturdays, about our marriage, that is the Jewish law. Also I wanted to change his name from Kohn, because all the Hungarian jokes were about Mr and Mrs. Kohn, and I did not want to be one. The lawyer said, it takes a month for the name change, so we decided to get married on December 11th, 1954, Saturday at 6PM in the little prayer house we had in Fehervar. Rabbi Farkas did not want to believe that the groom's father doesn't want to be present at the wedding, so he went to Varpalota to talk to him, and he was thrown out just like Joska said he would be. I wanted to go and see him very much, but Joska did not let me go, he was worried about me and did not want me to get hurt.

We met three more Sundays before our wedding, altogether 15 times. We were using the friendly "you" by now, but that was the closest we became. We were two young strangers, in very uncertain times, under very strange family circumstances. We came from completely different family background, childhood, social upbringing. We shared three things: we were Jewish, our loved ones died in Auschwitz and we had a dream of a life independent from Gabi and his father. We wanted love, security, establish a normal new life on the ashes of the old one. I also wanted to fulfill the promise I gave my father: to always be there for Anyu and Jancsi.

The tenants moved out from the dining-room, our furniture was moved in. It was an exceptional bedroom set. Joska and his father bought it from a former baron, I never saw any bedroom as beautiful in my life. The bed had no mattress, we could not afford to buy one, so we bought a large straw-mattress and filled it up with straw when it was covered, nobody could tell our secret. The furniture was not in the room on the wedding day, because we had our "reception" in this room. Only the closest family was invited. Erzsi neni, my grandfather's old cook came to help and Gathy Marika, who was 9 month pregnant with Dezso did the cooking. We had not much money to spend, we had chicken, potatoes and some cake. There was no time or money to make a white wedding dress for me, so Inci neni's dressmaker in Budapest made me a lovely navy-blue dress. The guests were: Gams Gyuri (my witness) and wife Evi, Weisz Erno (Joska's witness), Falus Bozsi neni and Pista bacsi, Boor Mariska from Aba, Gathy Laci and Marika, Erzsi neni, Anyu, Gabi and Jancsi. Joska surprised me with a beautiful bouquet of flowers.

Our Civil Service wedding was at l2PM After the ceremony we went to a restaurant (Osfehervar) to have lunch. The afternoon was busy with hairdresser and aesthetic appointments. The ceremony in the synagogue started at 6PM (after sundown). I mentioned before, the Fehervar Jewish Community Centre had a large room which was our prayer-house. We asked the rabbi to make the ceremony as simple as possible, we were not very religious and there were many non Jews among the audience (my friends from the office). When I arrived, I had to wait in a small room with Anyu until the ceremony began. When I walked into the large room it was completely filled. At the moment I realised that all the survivors who had children of similar age as I was, came. I was the only girl in Fehervar. During l944-46 there were many weddings, the survivors tried to build a new family. Now it was l954, and in between there were no weddings. Many people in the audience had tears in their eyes, they were thinking of their own children who will never have a wedding.

I walked down the aisle, and there was Joska and Mariska waiting for me, under the "chupah" (wedding tent). The tent was borrowed from somewhere and it was very low, I could see Joska's hat reached the top. When I was beside him, he whispered, I hope I don't have to move very much, because the hupe will fall on us. The first thing Farkas rabbi told me, I had to walk around Joska (I don't remember how many times, maybe six) and Joska's cousin Mariska had to walk behind me. We never heard such a custom, must be very orthodox, but we could not argue with the rabbi. So I started to walk, and Joska kept saying, don't touch me, because the chupah will collapse. It was so funny it was hard not to laugh. Probably when the rabbi saw how many people came, he did everything by the book. His speech was all right. Finally the ceremony ended. We received a long certificate, written in Hebrew, we did not understand a word in it. Even today, if he wants me to do something I don't want to do, he says it was in that paper and I signed it! We had a taxi waiting for us, and took us to the photography shop. This shop was only one block away from our house, so after the photo session, we walked home. It started to rain after we left the synagogue.

We arrived home a little after 7PM. The table was set, and we had our dinner with the family and closest friends. Our train departed 9pm to Budapest. Joska bought first class tickets, because it was for our honeymoon, but there was only one coach first class and it was so crowded, we did not find two seats together, so we met next time in Budapest, an hour later. We had reservation in the Beke Hotel (Formerly and now called Britannia). At the time they only rented rooms for married couples, so they asked our personal identification book, marriages were documented there. Joska happily showed them our freshly written certificate, telling the clerk "we are married for 3 1/2 hours"! We had room 102, and agreed if ever we find ourselves in a difficult position and are separated, our secret code is: l7342 102. The former number is Joska's Auschwitz number. Thank God we will be married for 40 years this December and never had to use the code.

The next day was Sunday, we were invited to Lovinger Inci neni's house for lunch. They had an old cook who stayed with them for 20 years, she was also Kenez Peter's nanny. Inci neni had a brother, a violinist who emigrated to the USA before the war. He came home after the war and married a Christian woman. They had a little boy Gabi, who in l954 was about 5 years old. The couple separated, and the mother abandoned the child. He stayed with Inci neni and family, and they tried to get an exit visa for him from Hungary to the USA. It was almost impossible to get an exit visa from Hungary even for a child with an American father. He got his visa in l956 and flew to New York by himself. The reason I write this story will be clear to you when I will talk about our l956 story.

So it was Sunday and we were at Inci neni's place. The table was set with beautiful Rosenthal dishes. Annus neni came in the room with the soup-bowl and put it on the middle of the table. She gathered everybody’s soup plates and wanted to ladle the soup. Somehow she touched the plates the wrong way, and the beautiful Rosenthal soup plates fall to the floor and broke. It was somehow a domino effect. Those plates were irreplaceable. Poor Annus neni and Inci neni were very upset, and so were we. When the nerves calmed down, Inci neni said, it was a good omen for us, our life together will never break, because all the breaking happened during this lunch.

Monday we were invited to two very nice ladies, they were Joska's relatives. After that lunch we started a tradition which never ends: looking for sewing machines. We found a good old Singer and the owner promised to send it to Fehervar. That machine was still a foot-pedal one, we never seen an electric machine yet.

Tuesday finally we were not invited to anybody’s house. We had lunch at the EMKE restaurant, corner of Rakoczy St. and Korut. Joska was reading the newspaper before our meal arrived, I could read the back page: at 2PM the Fovarosi Operetta Theatre will have a matinee, they will play the Csardas Kiralyno. Everybody in Hungary was talking about that production, it was written by Kalman Imre at the beginning of the century, from the first performance a huge success. During the Stalin area, the only kind of production we could see was Russian and politically correct. This was the first production of an old popular real Hungarian theatre piece. The actors and actresses were the cream of the crop, among them Honty Hanna (in her seventies) for whom the piece was written. Originally she was the Csardas (princess) Kiralyno, now she was the mother of the groom. I tried to get some tickets for month, but it was impossible, it was sold out for more than 6 month. I told Joska about the matinee and how much I would like to go. He looked his watch, it was five minutes to 2PM. He said, lets go! He stopped a taxi and we arrived five minutes after 2PM. As we walked into the foyer, it was empty, people were already inside. All of a sudden, a guy came, "Would you like to buy two tickets?" He was a scalper, could not sell the tickets for a big profit, they would not be worth very much after the performance, so he was willing to give them to us for the box office price! They were excellent tickets, first floor loge! We were so happy!

Sunday night we went to the Opera to see Swan Lake. It was the one and only time Joska was willing to see a ballet.

Wednesday we went home, I could not get more holidays. December was the busiest month of the year, we had to close the books and the big Christmas payday was not far away, I had to get the money for it.

Joska organized our new business. In our apartment one room was ours, we had Joska's furniture in it, and the sewing machine beside the window. We did not have too much clothing, so part of the wardrobe had the tailor supplies; materials, lining, threads, in it. We had a large mirror as part of the bedroom set, that became the fitting room. Somebody made us a window we could attach to the big front door and "Gams Tailor Shop" was in business again. To our surprise, business picked up as the month went by. Around April we had so much work, Joska started to use the tailors he used from Varpalota.

The Christmas payroll was a huge one, I had a car at my disposal, and an armed guard. We went to Budapest, got the money and were on our way home, when the car broke down. The driver could not fix it. The guard started to hitch a ride, because the workers had to be paid and I still had lots of work ahead, to put money in envelopes. A large truck stopped, but there was only one seat in it, and we needed at least two for me and the guard, and enough space for the boxes of money. We had no choice, I had to hurry home, because the workers had to receive their salary before Christmas. It took me and my colleague a long time to put the money in envelopes. We had no choice, the guard sat on the seat and I sat on his lap. When I got home that night, Joska was not very happy! My job is very hazardous. He did not like my early rise either, I had to be at my bus top at 6AM. He wanted me to quit my job and look for another one. I worked at the same place since I finished high school, I had an important position I was very proud of, I liked the people I worked with, it was not easy to quit, but I did it. I found a job at the Fruit and Vegetable Co. The office was on Fo utca, five minute walk from our house, and we started 8AM. After I was there for a month, the company moved to new headquarters, in the City Hall building. That building was at the end of our street, one minute walk. We had a company dining room, we could pay for hot lunches, I paid for both of us. Joska came to eat every day, we did not need to cook. Supper was cold cuts or cheese. At the beginning, when I was still working in the Motorjavito, Joska did the cooking, it was ready when I came home.

In the City Hall building my desk was beside the window, every time Joska went somewhere during the day, he had to pass my window, and knocked.