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Helen Rodak-Izso

The Last Chance to Remember



Chapter 31. HERE WE GO AGAIN!

On the other day while waiting my turn at the hairdresser this is what I had to hear. The owner mentioned casually to her helpers, that a lady who lost all her hair in the concentration camp is expected to pick up her wig. When this well known word and hair problem was discussed, a woman jumped up from her seat unexpectedly and made her remark rather in irritable mood, loud enough for everybody to hear:

"Here we go again." It must have been unpleasant for her and she didn't want to be reminded. I was speechless and only looked straight in her eyes. What could I say? I couldn't find any words.

After so many bitter experiences and painful memories we tried to find our peace of mind, our place, where hopefully we would be left alone. But this unpleasant, rude remark tore up yet unhealed wounds.

Will they ever have an end?

Our search for a free country, where life can be relatively undisturbed was not easy. We settled down and made our home in Canada and hopefully our choice was a lucky one. Here we try to start a new life, to work hard for a better future and find some trust in mankind again. Unfortunately, we were deeply disillusioned before with the tragic happenings in our life; for that the only soothing help is a quiet life, free from hatred or spitefulness. I try to find some answers, why is it that some feel so superior, by what right? Where do they find this courage?! There are judges, official people who should follow the law and punish those who deserve it! Some are convinced that the whole world belongs to them, so they feel so powerful. Why? It is frightening and tiring that here where we try to pick up the pieces and start a new life we have to feel again those hateful looks. Again! Why is it that some are so self confident! We are acknowledged as civilized people, we learn constantly something new, we can reach places where human beings couldn't go before?! Why is it that here, on this earth, we cannot tolerate each other. There is no solution, no answer because greed is very common, sad but true. Hostility, bickering, whether in politics or in private life is often heard, because the desire for power is great. Only the road to get there is not smoothly paved.

Life can be beautiful in nice family surroundings. We don't need much, only peace, peace of mind, good health, affection and to be able to give, help others! I know it sounds naive, but I feel strongly about it this way and firmly believe that this is the core in every happiness! Unfortunately we have to experience some kind of a new wave with hostility, that is most disappointing and disturbing. Some loud mouth people try to distribute hateful lies, try to blind the world with all kinds of made up stories. They have the guts to cover up, trying at least very hard, as if our tragedy would never have happened! Without shame, they try to deny although unfortunately too late, but by now the whole world knows the very truth!

This is the biggest sin, to touch our martyrs memory.

Isn't it enough that it had to happen?

It would be more beneficial if they wouldn't try to interfere. If they are really publishers, why don't they use their talent for some less serious, real happenings? They cannot seriously believe, that anybody in this world will believe one word of what they are trying to say? A whole group of trouble makers were put on trial and they still maintained loudly their hostile gesture, their "truth". They appeared in the court room in helmets, of whom were they afraid? Many times in my darkest hours I had long talks with them. How did you dare to touch this deeply distressing and sensitive, sore in our life? This brought on only destruction?! I have very little to say, you all tried your best to defend your people, but you are a disgrace to your country! I am not trying to explain anything or convince anybody, because I have my simple reasons: "I was there, I lived through and saw everything and came back."

I really don't know how, but I know why?! I came back from this hell because I have a duty to tell the truth, to tell the world,what had happened and where are the missing millions and millions of our people? I came back from this unforgettable, cursed place, where the smile disappeared from the young forever and the rest of us, we who survived, live with our bruised hearts to the very last, only try to mingle with everybody else!

We shall never forget any one of you!

Your memory lives in our heart as an eternal light forever!


To My Dearests
My grateful thanks to my son, Avi, for helping to edit this testimony.
To both my sons, Avi and Paul, for their effort and keen interest in this
most painful and tragic part of my life.
Thank you for all your understanding and patience.

Your Mother, a Survivor


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